Who Said Locked Wards aren’t Fun!

HaHa!

Well that didn’t take long before Kleo wound up back in the locked ward now did it.

So lets look at the timeline here:

  • Doing ok. Pretty good husband for the most part until…. stays up with nut job Mom in July.
  • Comes homes, orders “bath salts” to mommys house
  • Says he’s leaving his wife
  • October, days before, he finds out USSA will pay out $60k for his lie about his car
  • Starts drinking, doing whatever and assault me
  • Goes to jail
  • Nutty mom rushes to rescues her son, both set sail in the crazy town sunset
  • Lives with mommy, does more drugs, gets in more trouble and has too many commitments to keep track of.
  • Manipulates the system and me, gets away with everything.
  • Moves back to PA, does ok in his homeless housing until poof, more money comes in.
  • Decompresses, hires hookers, does drug, gets the shit kicked out of him…
  • Gets arrested *again*
  • Of course mommy saves the day! What would we do without someone to enable us anyway.
  • Runs to mommy and lo and behold

Yup, he’s back in the hospital.  I’m sure it’s not his own doing, it never ever is.  Just ask momz.  There are two common denominators here.  Him, of course, and his mother who is seriously whacked – the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Before running back to crazy mom, he was terrorizing my family.  Sending creepy and right up to the line threatening text messages.  After he got a PFA on me and tried to have me evicted from my own home, once we didn’t play into his game he skipped town.

I guess my normal side will always struggle with this crazy reality.  How he gave up an ok life, and a life that he had power and control over how it panned out.  He could have used the supports, he could have not lost himself in this.

Instead, he’s a statistic and a person who failed at the basics of life.

It’s all so very sad for him.

I’ve contacted the Detective and with any luck they will yank his bail and he can find himself in prison – where he really does belong.

Disney anyone?

-mk

When I write, it can often feel that my life is and has been all consumed by SK

It’s not.

It was slow going and lots of work, coupled with even more work 😉  I tell bits and pieces of the story as a modality to give it less power over the shame and secrecy that is all too often the bastard child of domestic violence.

Today during therapy, my therapist told me it’s not over yet, I’m not through it yet.  I guess the strong side of me was miffed at his conclusion.  I’m doing pretty fucking spectacular how could I not be over the shit show?!

I told him about a weak patch I had last week, it was short lived.  It didn’t take me to my knees or put my life on hold.  The grasp it once had is so minimal now, so when the intense moment hit, it hit hard.

Why?  I wanted to know why?  What the fuck is wrong with me?

I got something out all of this…. That’s your therapeutic take!  Fuck off.

However, that is the truth of it all.  I gained, I grew and I went through the grit, grind and reality of it.  While remaining in reality.

SK on the other hand is smart enough and could be self-aware enough to get to the other side of his own shit.  He takes the easy route, so he doesn’t have to do the hard work of owning any fucking part of his bowels of life that he self-created.

His reality is hiding in a substance that in turn makes him a monster.  He becomes violent, nasty, cold and calculating.  He thinks crazy shit because he is ok being crazy.

The trusty old therapist said it is because I gained from this, is why I lost.  I lost something that was real and tangible.

I lost my identity of being a wife, of loving a man that was once good and was once my husband.

It was a high cost to pay but I gained sense of self and self-worth.  I lost something that was real as I watched a person I still love, lose reality.

Nothing in his life is real anymore.  Everything that was real, is so far in his past that he’s racked up years since they existed.  His reality is thinking his car is invincible, the government is following him or his the joker *and* batman simultaneously.

Why?  Because drugs do that shit.

I don’t have that problem, go me.

-mk

Sudden Death OT

Finally, a holiday that wasn’t ruined by the weight of SK and his own brand of crazy.  I can’t say if it was more in the change of venue or systemic changes in our family unit.  I don’t give a fuck why, I am, however, very content today.

SK is way out there in la la crazy town and the concept of ‘go the fuck away and die, alone, under a cold rock’ hasn’t yet been fostered in his standard run of drug induced psychosis.  I don’t have credentials to make a clinical dx but historically speaking… when god is telling you to do things, when you need to drive fast in your new $130 car that is invincible (while living in a half-way house for the homeless), all the while sending messages to the prez (who isn’t doing as SK thinks would be prudent) cause mommy need her exorcism.

It doesn’t seem all that stable or sane now does it.

Nope, I didn’t think so either.

As classically manipulative as SK has proven himself to be, he did try to weave his crazy back in, *again*.  Dude, you’re more bat shit crazy than mom!

His messages to the kids come in spurts, he walks right up the line of ICC before he makes himself look like the unhinged drug addict he is.

Sending messages that I should be inpatient, to call crisis intervention and get me help…How does SK draw such a conclusion?  Well, it seems that having 6 psych evals and *another* involuntary commitment makes him the authority on the stability of those of us who function in society.

Who knew! Why announcing that equates to a positive is fucking funny shit.

Of course his messages were not just about me, after all, he checks off many cluster B boxes and is a living definition of a pathological narcissism.  If he tells his highly spun version, perhaps my children will jump ship.  Poor poor sk ☹

How could they not come visit him in the hospital?  He lost “70k”, he had his “head fractured, 6 broken ribs and a punctured lung”.  How could they do this to him, so very sad isn’t it…

Just because the *whole* story isn’t told, doesn’t mean it ceases to exist or hold relevancy to the big picture.

It isn’t that none of us at home don’t care, it’s because we cared so deeply and so profoundly, chasing a ghost.  It is because we lived being collateral damage for too long.

It only would have taken an apology and commitment to sobriety and a real, valid and intrinsic desire not to want to live life that would feed unhealthy vs. healthy.

Just because I picked healthy, doesn’t mean I don’t care.  It just means I care about me being as healthy as I can.

This is the ‘man’ whose last name I have like a scarlet letter.  This is the ‘man’ who takes zero responsibility for not being able to see his child, who can’t afford a lawyer to at least get supervised visits.

He blames the mom.  Not that he dumped money, bought (buying?) a $130,000 car so he can impress his hookers (so sorry, escorts) that he’s actually someone…

I could, in theory give enough fucks to have his crazy ass committed and attempt to mitigate his damage to self. flyers

Or…I could take my kids to philly, stay at a nice hotel downtown, go to a flyers game and live my life.  Each day, I take more and more of who I am without the biggest of my mistakes following me around like a haunted shadow.

I don’t care enough to hate anymore.

Happy Chocolate Bunny Day

-mk