Found Them. This Makes Me Actually Happy.
Happier than the manipulation tactic Special K played this week.
Most happy that I’ve had enough therapy to see how manipulative and unhealthy this little antic really was. I would almost have empathy for SK in this and almost hope for his sake, it was a contrived and calculated move. It would be really sad for him if he wasn’t just being a dick – good for me that the gift he gave me in it was another clear and direct view of what he has become. Don’t do drugs kids!
Last week my lawyer put in motion the first of multiple legal actions toward the man who was my husband but now I see as man who physically hurt my body and psychologically abused me and my children. There is a court order and I’ve given the green light for my attorney to take the information I gave him and pursue all legal avenues until exhausted. The criminal charges were reviewed by my attorney and corrections to the motion made. The civil case for all the hell of it, tied up in a nice little bow, is solidifying and will be filed when the right time presents itself.
There is an art to the timing of it all and it will be slow and arduous. It’s empowering to put myself first.
It is a very hard step to do this because I interject my own feelings into it, in other words, I don’t want to hurt him *more* than I want to end this chapter of my life. His perceptions of slights to him are unlike any I’ve ever encountered – but then again, I may be co-dependent but I was never abused as an adult. It doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do. He used me for what he needed and will do it again if I allow him any space in my life.
I have to do what I would I see so easily as right, if it were anyone else but me. This is about me and so little to do with him.
I saw enough abuse as a child, enough unhealthy functioning and I unequivocally believed that should I ever find myself in an abusive relationship, I’d know it.
I was wrong.
Court went well, as expected. I know my lawyer well and I’ve seen him win cases I thought were unwinnable. I was granted exclusive possession of my house (the house I owned before marriage) and when my attorney told me, a sense of peace and control of my own life fell a bit more into place. Even though the outcome was exactly as predicted. I was a bit more free and it felt good – happy.
He had Saturday, the day before our anniversary, to remove any leftover things here, from when it was his home too.
Things found stuck in the garage. He didn’t show up to get anything, court order and all.
That was his chance. He won’t get another, he definitely won’t if my attorney says no. I’m playing by my lawyers rules now. My lawyer already thought I gave him too much time Saturday as it was.
It seems he was busy shopping on Amazon instead and sending everyone in my house ‘things’, including the dog. He got the dog a leash. I got what I always get, nothing.
Right now I’m a risk to be managed. Any attempts to manage have to go through my lawyer before I’ll ever can’t a chance to react emotionally and get sucked back in to the manipulation. I used to check in after I blocked his access to me, now… fuck, I can’t even remember last time I did. I’m not caring and that – makes me happy.
He has had essentially zero contact with my kids for a year and half. Not once has he sent birthday cards, Christmas presents. Nothing since October ’16. He could have been involved in family based therapy or show he gave a shit about how they were traumatized by the whole thing.
Until this weekend when packages started arriving and he made a point to messaging my son, on his birthday to tell him stuff was on the way.
If that’s not classic psychological abuse… it was.
It’s also something of a habit he gets going when he starts using again, with him, it’s not if but when.
I was going to send it back but I think the ‘gifts’ will go in the trash. I have a vacation to plan anyway. Sorting papers and making sure anything of SK would go to the garage since he was allowed to be on my property that day to get his stuff.
I found the $600 of free airfare that expire in May. I thought I lost those.
Am I good Mom and whisk them away someplace warm for a weekend getaway? Or plan a weekend away with just myself? There will not be any Disney though, my kids are a bit to grown up for princesses.
Either way, I have to figure out a place to go before May and that makes me happy.