Saturday morning I dragged my achy self out of bed, 12 hours lying down and my side was still reminding me just how sore it is.
Grabbed my coffee and was doing the obligatory scroll through of Facebook, pondering my own stupidity of the week, where I’ve been, where I’m at now and where I’m going. Hurry up my beloved caffeine…
In my news feed are the pictures of this week’s meet where my girls trained and fond memories of when it would have been me posting pictures of my gymnasts on the podium or perhaps a proud video when one or both stayed on beam.
Beam, lol. Gym moms get that!
At one time I had two competitive gymnasts, one was a compulsory and the other an optional. We lived at the gym, some of my very most favorite humans in this world are from the years my girls were “gym rats”. When you are there 6 days a week, with a gymnast training 20+ hours, it really does become their second home.
You do put trust and faith in the coaches, the wellbeing of your child- or in my case, children…you trust they will protect their mind and body. Often these are the humans who will see your kids more hours in a week than you will.
I’ve found a voice and a modality to use it. I’m only one voice but together, one voice becomes part of voices that will be heard. I’ve learned and keep learning acceptance, successes, failures and fuck-ups. It took over a year to be “ok” with being both a ‘victim’ of an assault with the path that followed it – to seeing there is another side that just might look nothing like I could have fathomed, and that I will be ‘ok’, voice and all.
I resented the word ‘victim’, it made me feel weak and as though I failed. I could have empathy for any other kind of victim but none for myself. Another victim wasn’t weak in my eyes – but I didn’t give that to myself.
I’m over that.
Finishing my life line of coffee and Facebook feed before I drop the boy child off at work, I see the speech pop up that Aly Reisman made in court yesterday.
I know her as a gymnast and I was aware of the going ons in that world, I have a daughter who was sexually assaulted… so I opened it up and I watched.
I didn’t see her as a gymnast or a victim, I listened to a fucking powerful women use her voice.
“Imagine feeling like you have no power and no voice. Well, you know what, Larry? I have both power and voice, and I am only beginning to just use them. All these brave women have power, and we will use our voices to make sure you get what you deserve.” -Aly Raisman
That is power.
Use your voice, even if you are just beginning.