Divorce Countdown Clock Has Officially Begun

Not that anyone likes to get pressing calls from the attorney to contact them *NOW*.  Having my appointment yesterday took more inner strength – I doubted I could even follow through with going to appointment.  I knew even showing my face at that office was my last step in this, it was no longer me in front of my husband.

It’s my lawyer and his lawyer.  I emotionally severed that little lingering bit that still identified myself as his wife.  I’m not his wife anymore and he is not my husband anymore.

I will always hate he did this but I no longer have any obligation to heal it.  There is nothing left to heal from.  I only have to see him for the accumulation of horrible things he’s done to me and other people.  That isn’t all that pretty.

No one should have to pay for justice, but I’ve seen the judicial system is a fucking joke at times.  I’m going to pay to have validation of the hell he put me through.  As if it wasn’t shittasitic enough on it’s own.

There is that undercurrent of fear that he will lose his shit, drink and or use and ya know, come and kill me.  I wish I was saying that with sarcastic tone, sadly, I’m not.

It’s a very real fear.

It looks like next Tuesday is the first of ball to be played, with 4 or maybe it was 5 motions to be heard.  He’s being served today.

I’m getting the stuff for the civil hearing and with any luck, criminal charges will be brought to him – yes, I want nothing more than his ass to be in jail where it should have been when he attacked a random person at a gas station, beat the hell out of him, poured gasoline and threatened to light him on fire – he got away with it. petrol-996617_1280

The level of violence he can reach under the influence is bone chilling frightening.  When I say he is the person who could kill someone when using, there is absolute truth to that.  What makes it so much more frightening, is he has no real remorse.  He broke an officers hand this spring, as he was threatening to burn the hospital down.  He was subdued in the act of trying.  He manipulates and lies his way out of it… all he had to say about it was the officer was “hurting” him.

Divorce is not easy, it sucks ass really.  It sucks more ass when it doesn’t have to be this way and it just is.   He and his mother manipulated a bail reduction and I agreed because the enteirty of what that entailed was not presented honestly – utterly shocking I know.

Agreeing to that bail modification is my biggest regret in all of this.  Her words to me where he ”might” have a substance abuse problem.

“Might” you fucking tool, he gets violently psychotic – no, that’s not an arm chair diagnosis.  That’s  legit. Ya, might.  Can you not count the number of violent assaults when he was on that drug.

Might.. and I’m the problem.  The crazy doesn’t fall far from the tree now does it.apple-2788662__340

He didn’t get out and do what was agreed, he got out and moved in with his enabling mother.  This is where he went on to use more drugs, hurt more people and break the hand of anyone who dare challenge him.

I’m challenging him now and it involves his precious money.  I’m holding him accountable for the emotional mindfucking he has done and the assault.  Oh, and the fact in all of that he abandoned his marriage and did nothing but use drugs and take vacation with another woman – that is enabling mother thought was a dandy idea.  Gross.

I’m the “cunt” he wished dead, such an endearment isn’t 😊



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